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Santa Jokes 


What goes oh, oh, oh?
Santa Claus walking backwards!

What does Santa get if he gets stuck in a chimney?
Claustrophobic!

Who delivers Christmas presents to pets?
Why, Santa Paws of course!

What nationality is Santa Claus?
North Polish!

What’s red and white and falls down the chimney?
Santa Klutz!

What kind of motorcycle does Santy ride?
A “Holly” Davidson!

Why does Santa’s sleigh get such good mileage?
Because it has long-distance runners on each side!

What’s red and green and flies?
An airsick Santa Claus!

What’s red & white and red & white and red & white?
Santa rolling down a hill!

How do we know Santa is such a good race car driver?
Because he’s always in the pole position!

Why does Santa take presents to children around the world?
Because the presents won’t take themselves!

What did Santa get when he crossed a woodpecker with kleenex?
Rapping paper!

What do you call someone who doesn’t believe in Father Christmas?
A rebel without a Claus!

What smells most in a chimney?
Santa’s nose!

Why does St. Nicholas have a white beard?
So he can hide at the North Pole!

Who delivers Christmas presents to elephants?
Elephanta Claus!

What do you call a kitty on the beach on Christmas morning?
Sandy Claws!

What do the elves call it when Père Noël claps his hands at the end of a play?
Santapplause!

What do you do if Santa Claus gets stuck in your chimney?
Pour Santa flush on him!

What do you get if you cross Father Christmas with a duck?
A Christmas Quacker!

What does Mrs. Claus sing to Santy on his birthday?
“Freeze a jolly good fellow!”

Why does Santa always go down the chimney?
Because it soots him!

What would you call Father Christmas if he became a detective?
Santa Clues!

How many chimneys does Saint Nick go down?
Stacks!

Why does Santa owe everything to the elves?
Because he is an elf-made man!

What do you call Saint Nick after he has come down the chimney?
Cinder Claus!

Where does Father Christmas go to vote?
The North Poll!

What goes Ho, Ho, Swoosh! Ho, Ho, Swoosh?
Santa caught in a revolving door!

How does Père Noël take pictures?
With his North “Pole”-aroid!

What did Santa say to Mrs. Claus when he looked out the window?
Looks like “rain”, “Dear”!

What is twenty feet tall, has sharp teeth and goes Ho Ho Ho?
Tyranno-santa Rex!

What does Santa use when he goes fishing?
His north pole!

2What does Santa like to have for breakfast?
Mistle-”toast”!

What is invisible but smells like milk and cookies?
Kris Kringle burps!

What does Kris Kringle like to get when he goes to the donut shop?
A jolly roll!

What do you call Santa when he has no money?
Saint “Nickel”-less!

What do you get if Santa comes down the chimney while the fire is still burning?
Crisp Kringle!

Who delivers presents to dentist offices?
Santa Jaws!

Why does Santa like to work in his garden?
Because he likes to hoe, hoe, hoe!

What does Santa say to the toys on Christmas Eve?
Okay everyone, sack time!

An honest politician, a kind lawyer and Santa Claus were walking down the street and saw a $100 bill.  Which one picked it up??
Santa!  The other two don’t exist!

What does Santa put on his toast?
“Jingle Jam”

Where does Santa stay when he’s on holidays?
At a Ho-ho-tel!

How many presents can Santa fit into an empty sack?
Only one – after then it is not empty any more.

What do you call Santa Claus’s dog?
Santa Paws!

Why was Santa’s little helper depressed?
Because he had low elf esteem!

Where does Santa go to learn how to slide down chimneys?
chimnasium!

What do you say to Santa Claus when he is taking the register at school?
Present!

What do you call Santa Claus when he doesn’t move?
Santa Pause!

What is Father Christmas’ wife called ? 
Mary Christmas!

Who is Santa’s most famous elf?
elfvis!

What is Father Christmas’ favourite drink?
Beer-d!

Who gives presents and bites people?
Santa Jaws!

Who looks after Father Christmas when he’s ill?
The National Elf Service!!!

What does Santa Claus’ cat want for Christmas?
Some new claus!

Why does Santa wear pink underwear?
He’s a man. He did all his laundry in the one load.

Why did Santa Claus take his Christmas tree to the dentist?
To get a root canal.

Why does Santa’s sled get such good mileage?
Because it has long-distance runners on each side.

Father Christmas win a saucepan in a competition.

Now thats what you call pot luck !

What does Father Christmas call his money ?
Iced lolly!

How did Santa climb up the chimney?
With his “claws”!

Why does Santa give all the bad boys and girls coal?
Cause oil is too expensive!

What is red ,white,and black all over?
A penguin dressed as santa!

Why did the chicken deliver the present?
Santa was at the spa!

What do you call a smelly Santa?
Farter Christmas!

What did Mrs.Clause get for Christmas?
Panty Ho-ho-hose!

What did Santa’s mom pack in his school lunch?
Ho ho homemade cookies!

Why did Santa Claus need new underwear?
Because his had Ho-Ho-Holes!

How did Santa cross the road?
With his candy Cane!

What’s Santa’s favorite drink?
Coca ho-ho-hola!

Why did Santa cross the road?
To eat his HO-HO-HOs!

What does Santa use before eating his cookies?
Hand Santatizer!

What is Santa Claus’ favorite snack?
Ho hos!

When does Santa Claus travel with reindeer?
When it’s RAINing!

What did the butcher say to Santa when he introduced his wife?
Meet Patty!

How do you know Santa has to be a man?
No woman is going to wear the same outfit year after year.

What do you call Santa with a red tummy?
Jelly roll!

What did Santa say to the greedy elves?
Quit being ELF-ish!

What goes ho-ho whoosh,ho-ho whoosh?
Santa Claus caught in a revolving door!

Where does Father Christmas go for his monthly disco?
A snowball!

Why does Santa’s belly shake when he laughs?
Because he is well rounded!

Why is Santa Claus scary?
Because he has claws!

Why did Santa cross the road?
‘Cuz the chicken didn’t have chimney..

Why does Santa like bears?
Because they have Claus!

Why does Santa wear a red suit?
So he can match his cheeks!

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