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Christmas Jokes

Why did the gingerbread man go to the doctor?

He was feeling crummy.

Why did Santa Claus take his Christmas tree to the dentist?

To get a root canal.

Why does Scrooge love Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer?

Because every buck is dear to him.

What do you get when you cross an archer with a gift-wrapper?

Ribbon hood.

What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus?

Claustrophobic.

Why is Christmas just like a day at the office ?

You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.

Why is it so cold on Christmas?

Because it’s in Decembrrrrrrrrrr!

Why is the month of December so popular?

It has a lot of dates.

Mum, Can I have a dog for Christmas?

No, you can have turkey like everyone else!

Why didn’t the skeleton go to the Christmas Party?

He had no body to go with!

Why did the little boy push his bed into the fireplace?

He wanted to sleep like a log.

How many chimney does Father Christmas go down ? 

Stacks !

What do you have in December that you don’t have in any other month ? 

The letter “D” !

What happens if you eat the Christmas decorations?

You get tinsel-itus!

Why are Christmas trees like people who can’t knit?

They both drop their needles!

What do you call a group of chess fanatics bragging about their games in a hotel lobby?

Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer!

What do you call a cat on the beach at Christmas?

Sandy Claus!

What do monkeys sing at Christmas?

Jungle Bells, Jungle bells!

What did the bald man say when he got a comb for Christmas?

Thanks, I’ll never part with it!

Why is a burning candle like being thirsty?

Beacause a little water ends both of them!

What do you get if you cross an apple with a Christmas tree?

A pineapple!

What do you give a train driver for Christmas?

Platform shoes!

What did the big Christmas candle say to the little Christmas candle?

I’m going out tonight!

How long does it take to burn a candle down?

About a wick! 

What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

Frostbite.

Why did the little girl change her mind about buying her grandmother a packet od handkerchiefs for Christmas?

She said “I could not work out what size her nose was!

What does Santa eat and drink?

Ho ho ho hot milk and co co cookies!

Why was the boy covered in gift wrap?

Because his mama told him to “live in the present”!

How do you get to the dentist on Christmas?

Take the Molar Express!!

What is the army’s favourite plant?

Missile-toe!

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